The Backwards Chapter


The Girls!

The Girls!

So my world has took a bit of a turn over the last few months something no one can prepare for and certainly an example of just grabbing those lemons life throws your way and making a great batch of lemonade. Then asking life if t wants a glass. 

As some of you may have heard/read my boyfriends sister passed away in February, no one can prepare for something like that. Cancer is definitely a disease I feel there is probably a cure for but not for the general public, so until then we have to watch people die and suffer from it every day.

I know I sat there for three solid months watching Stephanie stay strong but have Cancer eat away at her. There is a lot you can learn from someone after they pass and she is one of the strongest people I know (in her own way)! After she passed away there has been a lot of loose ends that need to be dealt with and tied up, a process that is taking forever to complete it seems. 

Stephanie had three little girls, a lot of you on my personal facebook has probably see the endless pictures of ALL three girls that I have posted and you can see Stephanie in ALL THREE! Although we only have one of the three, we have been trying to see the other two, but sometimes people don’t think and they just act. We were drilled for a lot and fingers have and still are being pointed but when it comes down to it Stephanie only really wanted one thing and that was for her girls to be together. Although they don’t live together I still felt this could be possible but again people don’t really think of the interest of the kids, as a matter of fact they feel the kids are better off. Again, a loose end we are now being forced to deal with in another way.

As much as I would love to talk about the other two, I haven’t seen them nor has Stephanie’s oldest McKayla since a week before her mother has passed away. I would love to blog about how much they are growing and reminding me of their mother every day, I would love to talk about how unique they are in their own way and post some funny pictures/video of them just being them but I can’t do that because we can’t see them (despite our efforts)! SO Until those loose ends are tied (AND I made a promise to Stephanie they WILL be tied) I can only talk about the one I have which is her oldest McKayla.

McKayla is now in our care and will legally be in our care in a week or so. I look at her everyday and see her sisters, I see her mom and it helps me cope with her mom being gone. 

I didn’t expect to have somewhat of a ready made family at the age of 28, I thought that this year was going to be my year. The year where I get engaged (as a lot of my family members have gotten married this year alone). I thought it was my year of grown and change but this wasn’t the change I was expecting.

When Stephanie was in the hospital, I was there I was able to have conversations with her about the girls and her soul purpose for not moving forward with who goes to who was because she was scared, she was scared of what would happen to

R.I.P Stephanie Pecile

R.I.P Stephanie Pecile

her if she signed anything or even mentioned anything so she just did nothing. Before judging I wish I could tell you and show you what she went through. I don’t blame her I only wish she could have felt confident in what she was doing and know that nothing was going to happen to her for her actions. 

Explaining to McKayla that her mother died was probably one of the hardest things, I’m not really sure how I was able to use my faith and my spirituality to help her through it but I think I had a little help from her mom! 

I promised Stephanie that I would take care of those girls as they were my own and fight for what is right, and anyone who knows me knows I come from a close family, and when I promise something I will keep pushing forward regardless of how life tries to beat me down. SO whoever is on the other end of that better be just as prepared as I have already started the process.

In the hospital Stephanie looked at me and told me that she wasn’t worried about McKayla because she knew that she was okay with us, it was the other two she was worried about. It was a big thing to hear that she trusted me with her children. Now that she’s gone I look at McKayla (and when I see her sisters), my soul goal is to make sure I give them everything their mom wanted for them. I’m helping Stephanie finish the quest she was on with her kids. I only hope i can measure up and really have her be proud at the end of the day. Its hard raising someone else’s child knowing the outlook they had for them and making sure that you do all you can to make those dreams come true for the mother. 

My life this year has changed in the sense that I am taking care of someone who depends on me. She looks up to me and all I can do is guide her through life and try and steam roll over those barriers for her and make sure she grabs every opportunity that is available to her and her sisters. Make sure they have a better life then their mother and make sure that they use their gifts to their greatest advantage. 

I  was worried about what my family would think, I’m sort of working backwards a little bit, I know my mom and family want me to get married and have a family and I am determined to integrate the two regardless of how much work it is. It was a good feeling to have the army I have behind me, I had dozens of people write me letters letting a judge know WHY I am the right choice, I couldn’t believe the obitresponses I was getting, you really know who your friends are when things like this happen. 

My family accepted McKayla as part of the family, you would never know she was new to them because everyone was just so accepting and welcoming and they can’t wait to meet the other two when the time comes. 

I thought I would blog about this new journey… Blog about the struggles of raising a child that isn’t yours by blood, and also the good and interesting times and what I learn a long the way. I found myself always posting pictures and ideas to the point where I sit down with girlfriends and they don’t want to talk about anything else they want to know how McKayla and her sisters are doing. EVERYONE can’t wait to meet her sisters, they feel they know a lot about them for how much we all talk about them including McKayla. It’s been hard for her and there are only so many things you can say to a 4 year old who asks a billion questions. I think she realizes its not our fault and understands she will see them when everything gets settled but it doesn’t make her miss them any less. Her mother died and she can’t see her sisters I’m sure she feels a little alone and I don’t blame her that is a lot to take in at the age of 4. SOOOO although my blogs will mostly be about McKalya it’s not because I love her more then the others it’s because she’s the one I see on a regular basis until everything gets settled and we take a different root to work it out. I love all those girls the same, Stephanie and everyone else knew it and despite what people say I know and have proof of what is right and I will just let the facts speak for themselves. 

Christina

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~ by Christina Sears on May 1, 2013.

2 Responses to “The Backwards Chapter”

  1. You An Steven Are Doing A Remarkable Job , I Know Stephanie is watching And She is Proud of The actions You & Steven Have Taken On & So Am I, You Guys Show what Family Really Means, You Know My Mother An I Are Here For You Guys, You Need Help With Anything At All Please Let Us Know, Much Love & Respect tTo You Guys,

    Like

  2. As a mother, I can relate to the love u show those children, the pair of you, have out done yourselves for showing and giving so much love to someone who is so dear to all of us. I agree with Stephanie choice with whom the children should be raised by. Coming from a strong family background have given you the tools already, to continue on doing the right thing for the girls, and you will prevail, because the both of you, have to much support and love on your side. Stephanie is so proud, of everything both of you have done, and she is smiling from ear to ear! God Bless all three of you for now!

    Like

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