BEDA DAY 4: I Didn’t Hear No Bell…


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My life has changed over the last little bit, I went from saving for a house to now caring for a little girl who will need me to take care and guide  her for the rest of her life. WELL maybe not THE rest of her life but definitely in one way or another.

It’s crazy how your feelings just change, how things that you never thought of before suddenly bother you or have an effect on you.  I enjoy watching her grow, teaching her things, and sculpting her mind the best I can to ensure she takes advantage of all the opportunities that are thrown her way. That she seizes the moment with confidence, a strong back bone and thick skin. I believe her and her sisters deserve everything in the world because their mother never stopped trying for them, and tried to fight as long as she could and as hard as she could so she can be with her children for one more day. I want them to have a better life then their mother, I want them to find men who put them on a pedestal and support everything they do and love them for them. They deserve someone who would never put them down or lay a hand on them. I want them to be as educates as they can and reach further then the stars because that’s what their mother wanted for them.

I had friends who went through “baby daddy/mama drama” and I always thought to myself HOW anyone could want to put their kids through that. AND now here I am on the sidelines watching things happen and trying to put a stop to it for the kid’s sakes. It’s crazy how much it hurts YOU to see them go without. It’s hard to explain why she can’t see her siblings, and you can only come up with so many stories when you have a smart kid on your hands.

Everyone always wants to fight back, they are affected by the words (and that’s all they are… just words) that people blast out for the world to see. I’m a firm believer in myself and I fight with everything I have including the army behind me. By army I mean those people who really know me and know what I am all about. THE people who will stand on the front line with me regardless of what life throws in my way and that is definitely something I am fortunate to have.

However the words, accusations, and lies that get blasted out don’t bother me, I mean it bothers me that someone would say some of those things because I can’t wrap my head around it, and if I can’t figure out something it gets to me. BUT at the end of the day what is being said does not bother me because to anyone who matters they know that half the stuff that is being said isn’t true, and not only that I make sure that whatever I have I back up with facts.

I let the facts do the talking for me, I don’t need to fabricate stories to make everyone feel sorry for me, I let the facts talk to everyone and when the facts are proven it really does open some eyes.

I hate that someone’s dying wish was to keep her girls together, however that obviously wasn’t possible physically. BUT it is possible to ensure they are together enough times in the week to spend time with each other.  It’s sad that people believe that my unconditional love is only for one, when I’ve seen what that can do to a child as they grow up, I’ve been around kids for 18 years. I’ve  seen every child, every parent, and many many scenarios  which have educated me on situations such as this.

My love is unconditional for all, regardless of what is said and believed by others. I have many facts to back this up so am I worried… not so much because I know I’m going to do everything I can to ensure one wish in a women’s life is met after everything she’s been through.

I feel it is my duty to ensure I am there as much as I can be and doing everything within my control to make sure they feel loved and wanted as they should feel.  NO one is going to wedge between that. I’m not uneducated, I don’t get mad easy, I can support a family and I work very hard for everything that I have accomplished until then. I have the drive to go the distance and I have been putting in the rounds I didn’t hear no bell so I hope you’re as prepared as I am.

 

Christina

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~ by Christina Sears on April 4, 2013.

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