R.I.P Dear Stephanie


I’ve waited to write this blog because I had a lot to say but when your so over come with emotions your not sure how to get it out because its like a million people talking in your head and your trying to get out the story over everyone talking (if that makes sense) 

R.I.P Stephanie Pecile

R.I.P Stephanie Pecile

I’m sure some of you reading this have no idea what I mean, and maybe wondering why I’ve sort of been MIA the last little while. Over last summer my boyfriends sister was admitted to Juravinski hospital with some serious issues they did a bunch of tests and everything came back negative they couldn’t figure out why she was bloating and retaining so much fluid in her stomach and bowels. The symptoms she had were those similar to a form of Lupus, but Lupus is a disease with a million faces. Its something that can be maintained if you take care of yourself and make those regular check ups. 

Although they sent Stephanie home she was losing weight and by December again wasn’t looking so good and was re-admitted to Juravinski not to long after her daughters firsts Christmas recital. She had the same symptoms only it looked worse then the summer. They ran more tests on Stephanie and before christmas had a meeting with her (with her family by her side) and told her that she has cancer, they were positive that they could slow it down with chemo treatments but did make her aware that although they can slow it down there was a low chance of curing it all together that it will eventually take her life but gave her maybe a year or so to live. 

Stephanie was devastated being only 30 years old with three little girls who were her pride and joy. She begged the doctors to let her go home for Christmas, she bought the girls so much so they could have a great Christmas and she was determined to watch them open gifts at home. The doctors allowed her to go home for the holidays and it was great to have her spend one last Christmas with her girls. Although she was probably in a lot of pain, she made sure she handed out those gifts and helped the girls open them. The doctor also allowed her to have a pass for new years, so she could spend that with the family as well. three days after the entire world rang in the new year Stephanie was rushed to the hospital, not looking too good and we thought that we were going to lose her that January 3rd night. We stayed with her in the emergency hoping and praying that she can see tomorrow BUT Stephanie was a VERY stubborn person, she wasn’t about to let this thing take her without a fight. She made it through the night and from that day she fought like no other.

Everyday we seen her get worse and everyday we would all gather at the hospital, and have some good conversations and laugh. It was great to visit her even if she was tired and slept like I told her many times “we are just going to sit here and watch you sleep like creepy people.” Stephanie always tried to fight going to sleep because she wanted to make us happy and stay up for us. I appreciated it but always bugged her to take a nap… towards the end all she could do was sleep because her body was starting to give in to cancer, but Stephanie’s heart wouldn’t give up, it still continued to beat and force her body to function. 

I remember when her body wouldn’t allow her to hold things properly and she was dropping everything. Stephanie on top of being stubborn was also a VERY independent women, so to have people doing anything for her was hard for her. SO holding her drink or helping her write something or opening her drinks it was hard for her to suck that up because she was always use to doing things herself…. Stephanie’s way

I was able to have many conversations with Stephanie (as we did all the time) but I appreciated the conversations we had before her death even more because I never knew if that day was going to be the day she would slip into heaven. I IMG_0001remember her crying and having a break down about if she died leaving the girls behind, and I told her that those girls will never be left behind because they have A LOT of people who love them. She looked at me and said “I know… you’ve always loved all my girls.” Which meant a lot to me because at the end of the say Stephanie knew IN HER HEART that I have always and will always love those girls as they were my own and I always will. She  also expressed to me about how she was scared to die, I mean if I was 30 years old I would be too. I told her that she’s not alone in any of this… that we will be there to fight with her. So that February morning when she passed away she was surrounded by so many people that loved and cared about her and we all were around her bed when she passed away. She knew she wasn’t alone and I feel that with everyone there it was easy for her to say “this is it” and let nature take its course.  Cancer won the battle but didn’t win the fight, I’ve never seen someone fight so hard for that next day more then Stephanie.

Steven and I had SO SO SOO much support from so many different people, small things like going for coffee and chatting, to advice, to just being there incase we fall. I speak for both of us when I say we were very overwhelmed by the amount of support we received from people, some people we would never expect. 

Through Stephanie I was able to create closer relationships with not only her surviving sister Melissa, but also her best friend of 23 years Christina. I was able to become closer to Claire and Jason. Claire would always say Stephanie was like the daughter to her, and she did go over and beyond the call of duty when it came to Stephanie. We joked a lot calling Claire Stephanie’s personal watch dog. Didn’t matter if you were a family member, a doctor, a nurse, anyone… if Claire felt that you were doing Stephanie wrong she was the first person to jump down your throat and tell you so. Jason was someone who shared a lot with Stephanie, and although I knew who he was I never really got to know him and over this long haul of the cancer battle I was able to get to know Jason. He is one of the most warming and compassionate people you could ever meet. He was good to Stephanie and loved her with ever bone in his body. 

When Stephanie passed away, Steve and I had an out pour of condolences and support. Everyone wanted to help, everyone wanted to make sure we were okay and everyone was always there for an ear or a shoulder. I sincerely appreciated my brother Anthony and his fiance Ida for coming to the hospital the night Stephanie died for support, it meant the world to me knowing that you were going to be there if I needed someone to pick me up. My mother also came down to pay her respects and say her last goodbyes and be there for Steven as he was there for her when her father passed away.

598688_442924319060572_1451471906_nAmanda and Tara (two of Stephanie’s friends) always made regular visits to the hospital and it was nice to get to know them over the course of this fight. They made sure to keep in contact with us during the day to let us know how Steph was doing, if she was having a god day or a bad day. We appreciated their support through those three months and for everything they did after she passed away.


Seeing Stephanie in that casket, felt like a dream and I felt like at any moment I would wake up and we would be talking about when her brother is finally going to pop the question. Seeing all those familiar faces pay their respects to Stephanie whether they knew her personally or knew someone close to her was so comforting and overwhelming. You know who your real friends are at that point because those are the people that never leave and are there for you until the end. 

I know a lot of people were praising me during this time, I can’t wrap my head around why? If you know Steve and I you would know that when my grandfather passed away Steven and I were not even on speaking terms. I know a grandparent isn’t anything close to a sibling BUT my family is close, and it doesn’t matter who it is when someone passes away it devastates all of us. My grandfather was someone who built a strong foundation for his family and was part of the glue that held us all together, my grandmother and him instilled a strength and bond with all of us that is unexplainable. When we lost him I felt lost, my brother was in Italy and hearing him say his goodbyes on the phone was devastating  for me. That night I cried and cried and out of nowhere I got a message from Steven, asking how I am and if I’m okay. Before I knew it he was at the General Hospital holding me in his arms and just letting me cry until I had no tears left. He didn’t say anything and was just my strength. At that time my family was not fond of Steven and didn’t care much for him. BUT like Stephanie Steve is very stubborn, and didn’t care about anyone else because he wasn’t there for them he was there for me. Not only was he my strength that night, he was my strength at the viewing, when he  brought everyone he could get a hold of to join the support chain for me because he knew it was something that was hard for me. Steven showed up to the mass and to the wake and still had tunnel vision which was making sure that he was there for me. 

My mom still talks about how much her perspective changed of Steve that year, and also says its sad that it took a death for her to realize it. Steve was someone who no matter WHAT terms we were on he was there, it didn’t matter if we were in a fight or talking, or dating or even friends. IF I was about to fall he would be there to help me get up. 

When Stephanie got sick, I felt helpless, watching someone who is so strong start to break layer by layer. Steve always tries to fix things, if he can fix something for someone he will and Stephanie having cancer wasn’t something he could fix

Stephanie and her Girls!!

Stephanie and her Girls!!

and I think that was the hardest thing for him. Like me he felt helpless, and all he could do is make sure she knew he was going to stand beside her on the front line and fight this thing with her as best he could. I just tried to be the voice of reason, to make sure that he tried to think straight in the most stressful situations. I wanted to be his strength like he did for me, I didn’t so anything he wouldn’t have done for me and although I appreciate people telling me how amazing I am, he’s just as amazing because we were there for each other. I love Steven with all m heart and I don’t know what I would do if he were in Stephanie’s shoes, like I said to him while looking over Steph’s casket, “if this was you, you might as well have me beside you.” I’ve known the Pecile family since I was 15 that’s 13 years getting to know a family and 13 years with Stephanie. Although I’m not MARRIED into the family I don’t need a ring to feel like I’ve lost a sister. Stephanie ALWAYS introduced me as her “sister-in-law.” It was a good feeling to know that Stephanie wanted to talk to me in the hospital, she wanted my opinion, I made her feel comfortable to talk about things. When Stephanie was pregnant we talked baby names, and I was honored when she named two of her girls with names I suggested (Gabby and Bella). I always admired Stephanie’s strength and I wish I could have half the strength this girl did and that’s what’s inspired me thus far. Stephanie would be by my side too, she would do as much as she could because that’s who she was. She never wanted to disappoint anyone and always tried to please everyone.

It’s not going to be the same without Stephanie, but I KNOW she knows I love her and I KNOW she will be guiding and watching over her girls! I know that she knows her family loves and cares for her. It’s a relief to know that she’s not hurting from the cancer anymore, its not something I would want ANYONE to go through. It’s just going to suck not having her around. I don’t know about anyone else but the one thing I’m going to miss is the visits, especially the hospital visits. Although she was sick, some of the best times we had was in that hospital room. It’s where we made friendships, had some good laughs, made some memorable moments, and said our goodbyes. 

There are so many people I want to thank! If I miss you I’m sorry, but we appreciate EVERYTHING EVERYONES DONE!!!!

I want to personally thank MY FAMILY for your support. To see you walk through those doors made me feel so good inside. To know that you were going to be there if I needed to be picked up, to know you were going to be there for Steve and his family, and to know how much you love me. Your messages, advice, were appreciated and thank you for supporting our decisions. It means more then I could even express. This doesn’t just go out to my immediate family but also my aunts,uncles, and cousins who came through those doors to pay their resects to Stephanie and Steve’s family! It’s more then I could have ever asked for! I am lucky to be a part of such a “wolf pack” and I love you all.

Also, a huge thank you to Bianca for her kind and loving words at the church, anyone who didn’t know Stephanie  through your words got to know her a little more and what you said was beautiful.

Stephanie, rest in peace baby girl, I know you know I miss you enjoy what’s coming next as everything happens for a reason!!!

Christina

Advertisements

~ by Christina Sears on February 19, 2013.

2 Responses to “R.I.P Dear Stephanie”

  1. That was beautiful!

    Like

  2. i’im crying,…R.I.P. Sweet Girl…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: