The Grass Is Green WHERE YOU Water It


I posted a video awhile back with pictures of myself with someone I consider one of my best friends. I had a lot of feedback on the video which I named “To my Best Friend.”

 

I was going through pictures on my hard drive and wanted to clean off the ones I didn’t need and the video footage I didn’t need just so everything was organized and I stumbled upon these old pictures of this person and I. Although I posted the video I think those who know us got the story, the meaning behind the video I chose and the true meaning between the lines of the song I choose as well.

I figured it could be a blog topic without going into the nitty gritty of it all. I feel like it’s a good blog topic because too often on facebook/twitter so I read about relationship drama. I realize everyone has their own circumstances however I feel like these days married or not people give up far to easily when it comes to a relationship. 

I met Steven in high school (grade 10) he sat behind me in English class, he was a friend of someone I went to elementary school with and I was once close too. As the semester went on this annoying kid behind me would make English class hell for me… I didn’t get why he was such an annoying little jerk but he was quirky and had a really fun personality so it was really hard to stay mad at the guy.

Throughout that semester we would walk home together, and he was in more then one of my classes, we started to have a lot of the same friends and I just saw and talked to him on a regular basis. I didn’t realize it but I was developing feelings for the guy, and I didn’t realize it until I went to a school dance (with someone else mind you) and I seen him dancing with a friend of his who was a girl. It didn’t dawn on me that I could have feelings for this kid.. but there they were in full force. So I broke it off with the guy I was sort of seeing just because I didn’t feel it was fair if my heart wasn’t in the right place. 

P1060587During the summer Steven would go see his dad in the states and I wouldn’t see him for the entire summer, BUT I can show you the stack of phone cards we both had because we kept in touch and talked everyday. He would email/msn/call me and talk to me about the states and how everything was going and even then I didn’t realize the depth of my feelings for this kid NOR did I think he had the same feelings. I just figured I was one of the guys to him someone he could talk to and get along with because IN that day.. I was the ugly duckling… I was into sports and one of the guys… NO guy is ever interested in a girl who was one of the guys. 

It wasn’t until he came home from the states and I was talking to him about how dumb guys are and how I wish guys would like me for the tom boy I was and yadda yadda more of a rant from one good friend to the other good friend and out of nowhere he was like “well will you be my girlfriend?” I thought he was being sarcastic and throwing salt into my wound because sometimes he liked to kid like that. SO me NOT BELIEVING him I told him he was an idiot and I wasn’t laughing and he insisted he was pretty serious… SO a week goes by and everyday he bugs me about it… It wasn’t until he did (or said…) something that clicked to me that he was serious. I remember we were in the forum and someone asked if we were dating and I laughed and said “yeah… “ and i sat beside him.. he knew at that moment I took his question seriously and realized this kid does like me I’m going to give it a shot. 

Nothing like making a kid sweat it out for a week before giving him an answer, something he never let me live down for the longest time!

We dated for three years after that, we were very different in that time him and I we had different rules and we weren’t mature enough I feel to know what we had. It was your typical teenage relationship where what seems small now that I’m 27 was HUGE when I was 16. 

Needless to say sometimes you can only take so much and I broke it off, not going to lie it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and I regretted it, even though I was the one who broke it off I just felt like it was something that needed to happen. AND for the next five or so years after that we went our ways. It was hard to stay friends because when we were together it was like I was a part time girlfriend, we were both in the grey area and we fought when another person of the opposite sex. It wasn’t until i physically seen him happy with someone else (not his girlfriend just a girl he was seeing I guess) that I knew I couldn’t wait around and I knew my worked was officially crushed. BUT looking back even though it was one of the worst days I think it was a sign it was something I HAD to see to realize that if the cycle of this grey area isn’t broken some how we won’t be able to move on with our lives and end up destroying any chance of a friendship or anything in the future. 

SO not to long after that I had met someone and we dated, he was very different from Steven YET never really compared. i don’t care who you are when you have that ONE person who captures your heart and it doesn’t work sometimes weather you admit it or not you compare everyone you meet to this person. I know I did that in the inside, I didn’t do it on purpose but it happened. Steve saw that I was dating someone and maybe it clicked for him “MAN … this is shitty.” Although I know it hurt him that I was pretty much done at this point I was shocked that he continued to try and be in my life after that as a friend. We didn’t see each other all the time, or really talk much to be honest BUT I guess I always knew he was there if I needed it.

WHEN my grandfather died Steve was there, not only was he there he brought our mutual friends and made phone calls to the friends he knew he could get a hold of to be there for me at the funeral and they all came as a group. I couldn’t believe that when my family was in the hospital he text me at 2 or 3 am and I was so upset that I knew my grandfather was dying and he CAME to the hospital to sit with me until early hours of the morning. THIS was a guy my family DIDN’T like, he didn’t care he was there FOR ME! He was always beside me regardless of what terms we were on which I feel is a true friend. 

We talked about working on things I mean 5 years is a long time to be broken up and I wasn’t even sure if anything was salvageable because of how broken it once was. BUT I learned A LOT about myself in those 5 years and I feel like it was a path we needed to take and we needed to let each other go because it was the only way we could work it out without knowing it. 

I’m not saying all the past problems didn’t come up when we decided we were going to try again, BUT I had great advice from my mom one night who said “if your making the decision to be back with someone… you HAVE TO forgive the past and work on your future, if you don’t give him a clean slate you will NEVER enjoy what lays a head of you and nothing will work out.” I couldn’t believe that was coming from a women who was once upon a time so against this kid. SO I did that, it didn’t happen over night but it was something we both worked on and you know what we got over it. 

We worked on things that were problems, it wasn’t easy but we chipped away at it. THATS why when you ask people how long we have been together they assume the entire 12/13 years I’ve known him… BECAUSE Steve and I were always that close AND we chipped away at the problems.

I’m talking about this because I feel our story is one of those “if you love it let it go, if it comes back to you its yours.” Working on relationships DOES NOT happen over night, and it takes a team effort from both parties to make it work. It can’t always be one sides, they can’t always have their back against the wall when their parter talks to someone of the opposite sex. There needs to be communication, trust, compromise and understanding in a relationship I feel. 

Some girls would say I was crazy for letting my boyfriend go to a strip club, they feel its dirty and disrespectful to ME to ALLOW him to go. Personally the way I look at it is he’s coming home to me? What is the difference between going to the rippers and walking down the street or being somewhere and checking out women? Because one of the two actually takes their clothes off? Woopie, if my boyfriend’s going to cheat on me he’s going to find away to do it regardless of where he is and who he is talking to. SO why am I going to waste my breath and energy being uptight about the smallest thing like a strip club when he can do it anywhere? I feel that if I get jealous over a stripper what kind of self confidence does that show? I know WHAT I’m worth, and I know what I bring to the table and what I’ve learned is its better that something like that happens NOW rather then later. I don’t sweat stuff like that because in the bigger picture its something so very small that is made into a big thing BY insecure people.

My relationship with Steven is a product of “if you love them let them go if they come back they are yours.” I know it sounds corny and over used in todays world and maybe something that’s hard to see in the bigger picture but sometimes that’s just how it works out. I know for me it was hard to believe even for a second that we would get back together, if anyone told me I’d probably laugh in their face (pretty sure I did laugh in some people’s faces).

BUT I truly feel that we had to go through something like that for a reason, and I think that because we went through what we did and managed to work it out and managed to put it all on the table it’s allowing us to be one unit when we have to work as one. It allows us to have that open communication and proper communication to get through serious hard times. To have that trust to know that we have each others backs and neither one of us is backing down because we will fight as one unit. 

Everyone want’s the “perfect spouse” BUT from what I’ve learned THUS far the grass is never greener on the other size it become green where you water it. IT IS up to you and your partner to work together, if one or the other fails to do that and refuses to do that then it’s time to say cya later! Everyone is far from perfect and it is okay to be perfectly imperfect in my opinion and you have to take the good with the bad. People are different, even if you think you have soooooooo much in common you will always have differences and thats okay because you are who you are but you have to respect each others distances and make it work. 

I feel I am so fortunate to be where I am, and in a relationship that I’ve worked so hard towards and I have a second family that’s loved me as part of the family the entire time (together or not they never left me out). It’s so much more satisfying to know we did it and we have made it this far and I am excited to see what we can accomplish and build in the future.

Christina

“Find your weakness and make it your bitch”

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~ by Christina Sears on January 23, 2013.

One Response to “The Grass Is Green WHERE YOU Water It”

  1. That was beautiful Tina. Glad to see you are doing great. I wish you a lifetime of happiness xoxoxo

    Like

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