Relapsed Addict


I hate being a girl, you know most days I wish I was born with a penis I FEEL guys have a way easier life then girls. I’m not talking about when it comes to dating and whatever ALTHOUGH I don’t understand the double standard when it comes to sex. A guy sleeps with 10+ girls he’s a GOD, a girl sleeps with 10+guys she’s a hoe bag? BUT that’s another blog I think all together.

What I mean by having it easy is it doesn’t seem they ever really get judged for how they look. I mean I guess maybe they do to a certain degree but nothing like a female, and its easier for them to shrug it off because they are never the focus point. Girls are displayed to be flawless, and with computer technology they can photo shop anything. Realistically that’s not real, and although we women know that these women have cellulite like some of us, have stretch marks like some of us, they aren’t perfect it still gets to us, and I think that is something no man can ever understand.

I don’t want to be perfect I want to be comfortable in my own skin! So I have taken matters into my own hands, stepped on the scale for the first time in forever and I know I shouldn’t because it gets in my head (which it has)…. and it said “121lbs” pretty shitty my heart sank… 

I want to lose 11-16 lbs, some people think I’m crazy and wonder how I’m going to lose that off this little body. OH it’s going to happen come hell or high water. 

I think the best way to describe how I feel is like an addict who kicked a severe addiction and cleaned up and stay clean for awhile and then out of nowhere relapses. I kicked the weight to the curb before and then it just happened again. It’s annoying being in a soggy pit of mud and trying to claw your way out to feel good and on the right track again. BUT there is no one to blame but myself, I know that and I’m not pointing fingers… It wouldn’t be so bad if I carried my weight elsewhere and not in my mid section but that’s how I am built. 

I’m obviously stressed about something too because that’s the only time I hold this much weight in at a time. No matter how clean I eat, or what I do in the gym if I’m stressed this weight goes NOWHERE! I wish I was like normal people and just dropped weight when I was stressed… SOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING! 

I guess I feel like if I wrote about how I felt… that I could try and keep this updated about my work outs just to voice out there if you feel like I DO, your NOT the only one out there. 

So I’m going to try and keep this as updated as I can, I wish I could video at the gym, maybe I can I should really ask someone and just go in when it’s not busy and such and do a work out that way I can make this a little more interactive, maybe do some vlogging at the gym. 

I’ve met a few new people to work out with recently which is pretty awesome, I’m looking for someone who can push me, show me new things that way I can change up my work outs, and I was lucky enough to meet some cool people who seem pretty committed and people I can relate to and get along with.

One loves to run.. run and do the stairs A LOT. Me … I’m not much of a runner, as a matter of fact I HATE IT! BUT, it will be a different story when it comes to doing the stairs (which I’ve never done before really), and jog. I’m going to try and go to the gym say mon, wed, friday (if possible) and then do the stairs/job tues, thurs, saturday, or vise versa depends what’s going on but I definitely want to kick up a routine and I know running and the stairs and plenty good for yeah! My goal with the stairs is to get pretty good at it because I WOULD LOVE to do the CN Tower climb for charity next year. A women that works for my company was telling me about it at our meeting and she was bragging about doing it in a good time, egging me on! SOOO You know me… when someone says “go a head and try and be better” I’m going to bring it!!! So that’s my goal with the stairs and 

Then I have someone who goes to the same gym with me which is awesome and their style is completely different then mine. But its a great different and with me coming from a crossfit background I never really used machines all that much but I suppose they can help so he showed me plenty of good stuff so I’m pretty stoked about this!!! I think it will be a good change up for me. I only wish I had some MMA to get out some of this stress, it’s helped before but I can’t find a decent gym!!! 

I’m going to do the best I can to vlog and blog about training and such, I’m waiting on an email back from the gym about if it’s okay or not to bring my camera in and tape my work outs. I have a feeling they are going to say no.. but whatever I will do what I can!! 

if you have any work out/clean eating tips please feel free to post in the comments and let me know!!!

Christina

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~ by Christina Sears on August 10, 2012.

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