Dating a Professional Fighter

I started wrestling in grade ten, I always hung out with guys and I obviously had a lot of guy friends in the sport and the more I got to know them the more I saw how much of the sport was about how much “poon” you

Tina & Samantha

could get. You have to imagine this was in high school (grade 10) so when your going away with team mates to these huge ontario wide tournaments your going to see people you met at local tourneys, and people you talk to online, a lot of the girls in the sport weren’t too butch and they were cute. And then there were the guys who played the field at the weekend away tourneys. It wasn’t just about competing it was about who’s going to bang who.

I remember going to OFSAA one year and partied it up with some people form another team who were getting drunk and one girl was so drunk she was saying how she had sex with another wrestler and the condom was in the toilet she was puking in. It was a complete drunk fest and this was in HIGH SCHOOL can you imagine as an adult?

So needless to say I never dated a wrestler when I wrestled in high school. When I got into mixed martial arts I slowly began to see the vibe was the same only now I’m not in high school anymore I’m much older. In high school I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the room so  I never got hit on at these tourneys which was fine by me, but my buddies were always telling me their stories from those weekends.

Its funny because I would go to the gym and be serious about what I was doing and every so often I would have to teach and work with girls who were clearly there for the wrong reasons. BJJ itself is a pretty close sport, and it made me sick to see these girls come in and mount a guy and like grind them selves on these men, or wear a shit load of make up and their hair done to train, or wearing these cute little tight tops where their “ladies” are hanging out? REALLY? Its not wonder these guys just sat back and took whatever they got! If I was a dude I would have probably took advantage of the situation too. I remember this one girl was practicing an arm bar from the mount and the man she was working with was older in his 30’s married with children and she was 16 or 17 and she was literally grinding her vag into him. He felt pretty uncomfy and I believe switched  partners.

She another time must have thought I was dating one of the guys I usually train with because she looked at me as she was trying a hold down and her boobs were almost in his mouth. Needless to say when we had to roll together she tried to show off, really tried to reef a few techniques and I hit my snapping point and put on a rear naked choke and she didn’t grapple with me or come back to the class after that (not when I was there at least).

When I got into MMA reporting it was even worse for me, here I am a small cute girl interviewing some high profiled fighters, or even local fighters. I almost didn’t want to look presentable because I was being hit on (not trying to sound conceded) and it was hard to do my job because of some of the bold comments they would make. I’m pretty shy and to myself and when I’m put on the spot with a sexual comment from someone i rarely know i freeze. I mean what can you say? You either put your foot down (which I did) and you lose the rest of the interview, or you don’t have a back bone and you go with it which then in turn gives you a bad name in your industry. I want to be known for the quality of work I produce not   how good I am in the “mount” or how tight my “guard” is!

**I don’t know what I would do if there were me, I’d feel like an idiot**

So from then on I vowed to never date a professional fighter ever, and i was pretty keen on that i was fairly content watching them do their thing and getting all the chicks they wanted. I laughed at the girls that thought they meant more then just a sexual object to most of these guys. I mean Girls can’t seem to resist the rugged look, black eyes, muscles and ripped 8 pac. Seeing how I saw it all the time it never bothered me. I think there are a select few I think are “good looking” enough to maybe get a bit star struck but would I ever cross that line probably not.  I mean really who can resist Sam Stout, Georges St. Pierre, or Pete Sell!

BUT life has a funny way of working its way out, I was going through a tough time in my life and i was trying to find myself again.  I’m a social butterfly and was talking to a bunch of friends one day. One in particular I knew from a few occasions when we wrestled in high school and then I met up again with him in College. We knew OF each other, did we really talk before then NAH! He could tell you I probably blew him off in college (not purposely though.) Needless to say he was a professional fighter and we had made plans to hang out and watch the fights (really what could go wrong). Well I was dumb enough to hang out before the fight which turned into a shocker of a night. I ended up falling head over heals for this guy, he was so cute and charming, NOTHING like the guys I met while in the sport. We had a lot in common and just laughed about a lot of stupid things. That ended up growing into a relationship.

YES, me the one who just said “I WOULD NEVER DATE A PROFESSIONAL FIGHTER” found myself… well… dating one.. and it wasn’t so bad…

But I think its funny when girls date people for the bragging rights, you know those girls “oh I’m dating.. so and so… he’s a pro mma fighter… ” They love being famous through association. I don’t think anyone really realizes how much goes into dating a professional fighter or a professional athlete in general. Never mind dating them married with kids is also really hard. And it takes a lot to make it work and I know some fighters who really do work it out with their families and I have so much respect for them. My coach Bryan Edge is one of them. I have so much respect for him and his wonderful wife and he’s got two of the most amazing kids in the world.

I feel thats the part thats forgotten in the media they forget these guys are human and have families and have some of the same stresses as everyday people with everyday families.

Want to know what it’s like dating a professional fighter? It has its ups and downs its not perfect and you need to be able to just trust the person your with (i mean really trust them). Because there will be times where you will almost never see them, you might hear from them when they aren’t crazy busy and tired, and you have to just communicate and support them. They will get irritable during training camps and when they are cutting weight. Sometimes depending on the fight they might hit a low point where they aren’t sure what they are going to do and you have to be prepared to pick them up. Just because they fight doesn’t mean they don’t need someone to help them up and dust them off and send them pushing forward and do what they do best. After all these athletes are human, they feel just like the rest of us, and like someone once told me these guys put their shoes on and walk out the door just like the rest of us.

When I was dating a professional fighter all he wanted to do was fight, sure having a girlfriend was a plus but fighting always came first. I know what some of you are thinking “ARE YOU KIDDING ME” but when your passionate about something and driven it doesn’t matter what or who’s around you thats what your going to do and no one is stopping you. He didn’t work, he trained 3-4xs a day and took as many naps as he could during the day and when he was done at the end of the day he just wanted to eat and sleep.  I remember he trained so much I was lucky to see him once a week. Imagine being with someone who trains 3-4x’s a day almost everyday of the week? He was very dedicated to what it was he was doing, and was always looking to improve himself.

**No Easy Way Out**

That went on until he scored a job, but I didn’t get to see him anymore then what i did up to that point? But I saw how driven he was, and learned that you can’t hold people back from their dreams I always wished I was with someone who just pushed me forward and that’s what I wanted to do for him.I personally already been with someone who didn’t understand and would get upset with how many times a week I was training and I wasn’t about to do that to him!

Really it wasn’t until later it kicked in where he thought “hey… I have something here.” I never stopped him but I found I had a bit more time then normal, which was a plus for me. I then noticed that he wanted to spend more time with me, he wanted everyone to know about me, and always was proud of everything little thing I did.. I could flip a coin in the air and he’d be proud of me (haha)! Since he was a trainer he always gave me insight on how how to get bigger and stronger and like he would with anyone he would help me achieve that. He did it for those he cared about and he was a good pusher in the gym!

I reckon’ if your not into the sport, its going to be a bit harder to cope, you won’t understand why they do what they do, why they don’t skip one day to see you when they are training, you won’t understand why they cut weight, you won’t understand their highs and lows and that’s not your fault!!! I mean every girl will probably say “oh i can handle it” but at the end of the day you will really be thinking about what you got yourself into.

I’m not a professional fighter, and I found it hard to find a guy that could cope with my training and all the mma reporting I was doing, and the fact i trained with guys, rolled with them, i was very close to a lot of my team mates never helped the situation. And that can be intimidating if you ‘re not familiar with the sport. If it were the other way around I know i’d be intimidated for sure.

I understand why the guys/girls do what they do and it was still hard for me. So to better understand I tagged a long to some of his training and if I didn’t do that I wouldn’t have met some great people (Bryan, Adam, Marla, Staley Training Systems, etc..) I started to do the training that fighters do which opened my eyes and helped me better understand.

From there I tried to get out to as many as his fights as I could, i wanted to be in his corner to cheer him on. I knew it didn’t matter if I was there or not but I liked being there. He really encouraged me to get up there and try kipping swings, and lift tires bigger then me, and eventually I could do all those things but he pushed me to do them because I’m sure he knew I could!

For some you might be their outlet to talk to or make the feel better and sometimes you won’t be and you can’t be offended by that. You have to be there when they need you and support the if they go to someone else (who might understand better). Girls can get offended easily “why did you go to them, why couldn’t you come to me” and that just adds more stress and will start a fight? At the end of the day, if they love you they will eventually come to you but you can’t force them. Especially when they have so much on their plate at that given time.

We usually communicated about everything, but sometimes I couldn’t go to him to talk. I did eventually when I was good and ready but I didn’t push him and he didn’t push me… I knew he would come to me when he was ready, like i would go to him when i was ready. It was a quiet understanding we had and sometimes you need that. I never kept anything from him as he didn’t from me. We were usually on the same page I even knew when he took a shit but only because he would inform me of it every time he was on the phone with me haha!

Then there is the weight cutting, every fighter is different and eventually get it down to a science, but I was with someone who tried a lot of different diets just to find out what was right for him! Plus having some of the pressure from those he looked up to wasn’t easy. And your going to go through the stress of them not being able to make up their mind and confused about what is right for them. But once they find what works for them then it will be easier, and the cuts won’t be as stressful.

After the strict diet leading up to a fight you will get home and they will eat EVERYTHING, I’ve heard this from a few fighters. After a few days of that i heard they would feel bad, and get depressed about it and then will spend all their time trying to make them self feel better in the gym. Justifying why they fell off the horse and sometimes you might get that blame. All you can do if you care is grit your teeth and bear with it, just support them let them know and remind them of all the great things they can accomplish. Its not easy training for a fight, the diet is retarded sometimes and after that I feel you SHOULD reward yourself because you worked so hard. Its not a bad thing to eat whatever, and I always knew he would get back on that horse and get back into the swing of things, he cared to much about fighting NOT too!

Some may argue its no excuse and they shouldn’t fall off the hog like that but really? I’m not in this persons shoes SO who am I to judge what they SHOULD and SHOULDN’T do?

Depending on the fighter and how he is, you might have to deal with the fact that they are or possibly will go out after their fights. Going to after parties, and knowing that they are getting drunk and there are other women there and all you can do is hope that the only women they will want to be with at the end of the night is you. Sometimes it happens, other times you might end up with a man who has pussy in every area code he goes to fight.  I was lucky and that wasn’t my case and I couldn’t imagine thinking about that.

I found I had to be confident in myself and what I brought to the table, I couldn’t worry about what other girls have, what they could do for him, how they make him feel because (without being cocky) I feel like I’m a great catch. I feel like I have a lot to bring to the table, if not more then other women and if they decided to take the “high flyer” root and make dumb choices I can’t do anything about it. They are going to do what they want to do. I think dating him brought that confidence out of me, I was never so sure of myself and where I stood in someone life.

For me, I always could trust that he just went back to the room to enjoy the only love of his life his cheesecake. He always looked forward to going back the room and calling me and eating his cheesecake. Or if i was there watching whatever was on tv (usually 2 and a half men or something) and one arm around me and the other eating his cheesecake haha!

BUT sometimes they don’t even have to go away to hurt you like that it can happen right under your nose, they have local fans too remember (MMA is not legal in Ontario so i didn’t have to worry about local fans either.) And with their face in the paper and their story distributed to half the city its bound to happen. Will the other girl be as supportive and understanding as you WHO KNOWS! Is it just about the sex… only they can tell you that? You just have to be secure in knowing you are who you are and if they love you they’d be there.

If your not confident in yourself then dating a professional fighter or athlete MAY NOT BE FOR YOU!

You can’t hold your fighter back like I said in the beginning if they are going to not be with you they wont thats inevitable. They don’t need to be at a fight or at home for it to happen, sometimes shit just happens… should it happen … no maybe not.. does it happen YES it does! To me i think yes you should fight for what you want, but choose the fights that will be good for you really look at the situation first and then decide if its worth fixing.

**Adrian Confronts Rocky, Amazing Scene**

Sometimes you have to be the voice of reason, in this industry because everyone is looking to get rich by association or make a quick buck that they will promise you the world and then nothing will come of it. Sometimes it takes being burned a few time to learn that.

There were a few things I felt stupid about being the voice of reason about but I’m glad i said my piece because it could have turned out to be an ugly situation. When a fighter is first starting out everything sounds good, but as the fights go on you begin to grow, and you begin to really see peoples true colours and they have to make their own mistakes.

We always watched out for stuff like that, we were a good team like that and I think it worked for us. Just a lot of communication and research and you know what that worked for us.

As a girlfriend I was there to not make them feel stupid, you have to be the other perspective, you can’t tell them they are an idiot (weather they are or not)… Sometimes they won’t want to hear what you have to say, and you will be wrong no matter what your opinion is. But at the end of the day you still have to unconditionally be there for them. And thats how we were.

If they get burnt out, and not sure what they want anymore you have to be one of the ones they can talk to, the one they can open up with, the one they can feel comfortable talking to if need be. Sometimes they won’t go to you but that doesn’t give you the right to just write them off and not be there or better yet leave them when things get bad. You just have to support them in whatever they feel they need to do. Sometimes you might even get the blame but you can’t worry about what anyone else thinks you just have to be there regardless. At the end of the day i knew i wouldn’t give up on him.. because he wouldn’t give up on me!

**Rocky & Adrian get Married*

Sound easy yet? Well it’s not because if you marry a fighter you will have to expect to have your ups and downs. Just as fast as a fighter hits their peeks they will fall to something and finances might not be the same, and instead of freaking you have to work with them to come up with a back up plan. Their bodies can only do that for so long and then they will need something else they can do.. It will depress them and you have to roll with those punches and prepare.

I just know that I was wrong to think all fighters are the same, I’ve met a few great ones along my journey in the MMA world. My relationship was a lot of work, it was unique it was different. Would I do it again… maybe but I would know what to expect, and my eyes are open to A LOT more then what they were in the beginning. And thats what I got out of the entire experience. I felt things I never felt before, and really got to experience in depth what these guys go through.

Key to dating a professional fighter is compromise, trust, and communication in my opinion! Once you lack one of those things be sure to watch the relationship crumble before your feet.

You have to know what makes them tick, pay attention to detail, know when to step in and when not to. It was A LOT of work, and you know it wasn’t perfect but I learned a lot of stuff (good and bad). Dating a fighter was a challenge, a challenge i think i faced and made my bitch. Do you think you have what it takes? Because its more then what meets the eye, BELIEVE THAT! Thanks for opening my eyes.. it was a GREAT journey!



~ by Christina Sears on July 31, 2009.

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