Eye’s Wide Open…

What a day of training, I was suppose to go to Alchemy Crossfit in the morning (as normal) with Christine, but she felt a bit sick and didn’t want to take the chance, honestly totally understandable I probably would have made the same call. Any other work out woudl be fine but not one of Adam’s work outs. So I decided to hit up the 9am class, there were a lot of people there which was awesome I love working out with a lot of people sometimes it keeps me going and motivated. Some of the people that usually go to the lifting where there, i guess they are on vacation and it was nice to see them!

Adam had us warm up with a 400m run and some other stuff, honestly every time there is running involved my body just won’t do it for some reason, I found the few times I did it I was getting tired fast, and this is coming from a person who use to run track and cross country back in the day. BUT lately its like something in my snapped and even though a work out is terrible I find myself fighting to get it done, fighting myself to prove that I can do it and no one is going to stop me (including myself). And I actually ran yesterdays at a fast good pase i was the FIRST to make it back in the gym not the last (like I usually am)… I was pretty pumped up to train lately i feel like I got strong enough to lift the big boulder off my chest that was there making it hard to breathe in the world of life. We also did push ups, squats, body rows, and a bunch of other things for a warm up.

Then came the work out


of Kettle Bell swings and push ups, I think Rhoda, Gram and myself were the ones with the heaviest kettle bells. Ghram used 16gk i believe and so did Rhoda but its probably because there were no lighter ones, I should have grabbed the 16kg one i think next time I will but I did the work out with the 14gk one. Man Rhoda did awesome with the one she had, and I was doing my best to just push through it the 40 and 30 ones sucked… I think I was one of the only females that did regular push ups it made me feel good because I worked hard to be able to do push ups and I never did the scaled ones on your knees (honestly i never could figure it out ask Christine haha). But I see the progression i’ve made and I mean I may not be a “fire breather” in the gym, i may not always get the best times but knowing where I cam from and where I am now makes me feel so great and more competitive then ever.

I finished the work out in 12:06 but believe me it really felt longer then that!!! This one women Michela (i think her name is) came up to me and said good job and then told me that she thought this would be my strongest point because i look like I have a really strong upper body, and she said that i look really strong and good. I never really thought anyone noticed me or watched me durning a work out, I know that i’ve watched her she’s a fire breather for some of the work outs. I witnessed her do her first to kipping pull ups it was awesome! And that was AFTER the work out, i was going to do the same work on them but my arms were burning there was no way I was taking the risk of letting go of that pull up bar haha!

One of the ladies from the lifting also said “nice weight” with an impressed look on her face… I remember when I had to use a lighter kettle bell because my back was pretty retarded with the injury I had so knowing that I’m working my way back up feel so good. And it feels even better knowing I’m doing it for me now, not to prove that i can do it, or to spend time with someone or whatever this is my time now!

After training at Alchemy I went home and decided I was going to go and get the liquor license for my parents party make sure our asses are covered and what not . And I also decided to go and see Jonathan in burlington so thats what I did. After things happened last week this little 5 year old asked his mommy why I was sad, and she told him why I was sad and he said that he was going to be my boyfriend until I find a nice guy. You can imagine I didn’t believe my ears when I was being told this, he also was saying how him and I are going to go on a date and he was tiding up the house knowing that I was coming and waited patiently on his moms lap for me to arrive at his house. I came and he was shy at first but its because I had a friend with me, once he got use to my friend he was hugging me and being such a sweetie SO attentive. I really enjoyed touching base with Elaine and seeing my little man!

I’ve had a lot happen in my life in the last week, and i’m here I’ve survived, honestly there is a lot of things that i don’t regret but I know I could have saved myself from what happened if I just stepped back and look at the big picture. But life is about learning about jumping in there sometimes with your heart and putting yourself out there. Did I know that I was going to be hurt? I knew that nothing is ever perfect and there would be ups and downs and i knew that I may only be 24 but I’ve really been through my fair share of things and I had experience on my side. I believed in something that felt real to me and weather it was or wasn’t real I know how i felt and saw what i saw. But with that I also did everything to make sure they were set, I wanted them to realize what they had to offer, I wanted them to see their potential, see what they were worth. I made sure I motivated them and let them know its okay to feel like shit here and there you just have to dust yourself off and try again.

And the more I detach myself from everything and open my eyes the more I see that as I was doing all of this, I was being criticized for it. I never said I was perfect as a matter of fact I would argue with anyone who tried to say so (and believe me some people have). I have things that make me lose it, I have things that bother me, i’m not always the most pleasant person but the one thing I never was, was fake. I believe its hard to play two characters in life you either be who you are or you will be miserable and confused trying to be someone your not. So I am the type of person to give everything I have to those who matter, I will help them however I can and mark my words I ask for nothing in return. And what I learned was I now know who the people are who will fight for me as I do for them. I did everything I could and tried to be as supportive as possible and to be told some of the stuff I was being told shocked me. The money I spent, the contacts I made, the opportunities I gave away, the doors I opened just to hear that it was all a sham! That I created a false image of something in my head and for other people not even in the circle to assume the worst is retarded. AND what’s even worst was the fighter didn’t fight the fight, took the worked fight the easier fight and walked away.

I over the last week I was able to put my pieces back together, I was able to talk to some amazing people… people who looked out for me the entire time and really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Not only my friends my family… my family has been so great about things my mom let me come to her she was worried about my eating and stayed on top of it and she wasn’t the only one. I really realized who my friends were, and shocked who actually reached out to me. After talking with Elaine I felt great she’s a great person and her son is one of the most amazing kids I’ve ever met and if i have a child who is half as amazing as that boy i’d be so proud.

I a phone call from James asking if i wanted to go for a late lunch, seeing how I was probably going to nap anyways I decided to go he said he knew a really nice asian place down town AND IT WAS really good. I was a bit worried about eating with chop sticks but I think since I wasn’t asian the lady just assumed I was going to make a mess of my lunch so brought me a fork without me even asking. But it was awesome food, a lot of food too. I ordered some egg noodles with chicken and veggies (SOOO GOOD) but seeing how my appetite isn’t back up to par I couldn’t eat as much as I normally would have but I did pack it up to eat after.

I haven’t seen James in awhile, from what I remembered I never had a problem with him and was able to get to know him a bit better, I don’t think i laughed so much in that short amount of time with anyone else. It was a continuous banter back and forth but it was fun.. and amusing. He’s such a great guy sometimes you have to read the book and not take someone’s word for it yeah know? I’m sort of glad I never dis-owned him after his break up and i just continued to talk to him.

I went home and got ready to hit up Edges, I got to see Kayla when I was there, she’s so big now such a beautiful little girl truly amazing. She looks just like Bryan…

I worked in with Jen, did some guard passes and what not, some new ones that I never worked on before so I might try them out from time to time and work on them. I was excited to grapple I felt really strong and what not, of course Bill and Edge kicked my ass but it was great, really is humbling you know?

Jen is a good grappler I think, she knows how to move so it’s not as easy for me and she’s got some strength and size to her too, so I love grappling her its actually like being in a tourney or whatever and she’s really easy to get a long with and talk to also. I also got to talk with Matt the huge guy that goes there. He’s 6’6 (yeah big boy) I got to know him a little bit, he’s quite the character its amazing the stories people have to share and where they have been and what they have done you know? I’ve gotten to know Edge when I went away for fights and what not he’s really awesome I really look up to him a lot as a person, a family man, a friend, and a coach. Jay and Jer were there I totally love seeing them I hope they do well this weekend at the fight I wish I could go I hope chad does awesome too man!!!

After training I spent some time with the fam went out for a walk and a good laugh with James.. haha nothing huge! Tomorrow I know i’m going to be so sore I can feel it in my traps right now and my back and what not, Its going to be a great night and day of work thats for sure.



~ by Christina Sears on July 27, 2009.

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