Alchemy’s Pain Storm

**Pain Storm Commercial**

IMG_5603Alchemy Cross fit had their first “Pain Storm” work out since they opened up their new gym on Frid Street in Hamilton. The Pain Storm is a twisted almost 2 hour long work out that coach Morden thinks up in his spare time to torture those who volunteer to see if they are tough enough to push though this grueling work out.

At the beginning of the work out Coach Morden and his pregnant (but still just as crazy) wife came in with these HUGE smiles on their face (which only means trouble)!

He brought in a pretty red bell, which he said is there for those participants w ho feel they can’t go on any more it will be their duty to tap to the work out by ringing this innocent sounding bell out loud for everyone else to hear.

He also brought in a set of cat stamps… he said to the group “these are pussy stamps, if your being a pussy you get a stamp is someone is associating with you while your being a pussy they will also receive a pussy stamp.”

Also anytime participants heard the word burpee said by either Adam or his lovely wife they had to say “YEAHHHH Burpees” if it wasn’t said 5 burpees were the punishment. Doesn’t seem like a lot but right off the bat the group wasn’t responding or catching on to how many times Adam said the word which resulted in 25 burpees right off tIMG_5652he bat.

Debbie, Jane, Simon, Kevin, and James participated in this work out.

The warm up alone was like a work out, I’m shocked no one gave up from that I know I would have, I don’t have the mental toughness when someone is yelling at me like a drill sergeant.

The warm up consisted of:

A lap around the building which is roughly 400m, once they got inside they paired up to do a lot o different drills like fireman’s carry (roughly 100m), wheel barrels( 20 ft or so), and then bear crawls, crab walks, and walking push ups (3 lengths of the gym 15-20f each).

IMG_5677After the warm up they were allowed only so many seconds to hydrate themselves. It was actually a really warm day, I felt sort of bad for everyone because they were going to not only be doing this hard work out, but they will be doing it in the heat with some what of a breeze maybe hitting their face. 10 second water break was over and it was to the work out!

Workout one consisted of:

Two people at a time over head carrying one of the rowers we have at Alchemy around the building stopping halfway to row 400m while the other person did jumping jacks, and then they switched and the other person did the 400m row while the other did the jumping jacks. After that they brought it back into the building. And the one who was carrying it from the back moved to the front and went out again and the other worked into one of the stations.

When you were in the gym and not carrying the rower you were at one of the following stations pull ups, sit ups, push ups doing them untilIMG_5708 the rower people returned into the gym.  Everyone rotated though that, Adam was taunting people and even got on the roof to yell at those running with the rower to make sure they weren’t “pussying out” ha-ha.

That’s when the “pussy stamps” were pulled out; Coach Marini was the first to get a few… and then Kevin for associating himself WITH Coach Marini. Then Jane got one for her pull ups, and Coach Morden didn’t care where he stamped you… people had them on their arms, their back, their legs, their heads, their asses (don’t ask)!

At one point Adam was in Kevin’s face with the little red bell taunting him to ring it… Kevin grabbed that little bell and threw it in the trash can and then continued his push ups. SO Adam then proceeded to sit on Kevin’s back and told him to stop being a baby and do a push up already, it was crazy!!!

After everyone went through the stations once the word Burpee was said a few times which more of them for the group followed by another lap around the building (roughly 400m).

Work out Two consisted of tabata rounds of a few things:

IMG_5778Tabata rounds of kettle bell figure eights holding a squat with the kettle bell hanging during the rest periods, the bottom position of a squat. Then it was out for another two laps (roughly 800m) around the building.

Work out number three was all set up, it was the lovely Diane which is dead lifts and hand stand push ups. But because of the intense work out it was optional for the participants to do the hand stand push ups. Debbie and Kevin stayed strong and decided they were going to go big or go home and they pushed through that work out with the hand stand push ups… it was quite impressive actually. The women were dead lifting 135lbs for this work out and the men were 225lbs (Adam upping the weight on some of the guys to 275lbs). For this work out you had to do the dead lifts and push ups for 21-15-9 after everyone pushed through the third work out they did another lap or two around the building and had 10 seconds to hydrate and it was on to another bitch of a work out.

When they got back inside there was a bar with 65lbs for women and 95lbs for men, and it was on to the women everyone loves to hate IMG_5788FRAN! So it was 21-15-9 thrusters and pull ups.  A few of the participants got up on the white board to set a Fran record even after all that other work which is quite an accomplishment. The white board at crossfit is to keep everyone training there competitive and hungry. It shows who finished certain *hard* work outs the fastest or who got the most reps in, in a certain time, who has the highest one max rep for specific lifts. I know its always burning a fire under my ass to get up there and show the gym what I’ve got.

Debbie’s hands were destroyed after FRAN she said they started to rip up during the 21 pull ups and she still friggin went to town I was sooooo impressed with her she’s such a trooper!!!

IMG_5786There was some blood, sweat, maybe some tears but no puke during this work out…. and I had so much respect for everyone doing it I know its not something I’m ready for but made me want to get to that level to do something like that. I think Coach Morden said he wanted to do another one Labour Day weekend so that should be interesting.


PS: Read about Simon Marini’s Post Thoughts on the work out in his Training  Log.

**Pain Storm Highlights**


~ by Christina Sears on June 6, 2009.

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