Emotional Roller Coaster….


Seeing how it’s 3:19am and I can’t sleep and I have to be up for 5am and get ready for my work out at 6am I figured I just wouldn’t sleep and write about what’s on my mind instead or try and get it off my mind by writing…

Friday, I didn’t do my MMA training; however I did do the box fit class at steel city crossfit with Adam. It’s a good work out directed towards boxing conditioning and what not. There were four of us but it was still a good training session. The women that train there in the mornings are pretty solid I look up to all of them, they all have a great character about them and they are all good motivators and we all motivate each other in some way. Adam worked us pretty hard, smiling the entire time because he likes to kill a person with his work outs that’s when he has the biggest smile ha-ha!

img_4086Saturday I went out for my friends birthday, Tammy and Steven share the same birthday and we all have the same circle of friends so we all went down to Club 77. Since there was a load of us, we got the V.I.P box and just enjoyed each other’s company. This weekend wasn’t just like any other weekend I hang out with these people; there was a new member to the group one who I haven’t talked to in five years. He was my best friend for 13 or so years and then he met someone who pretty much called the shots, so from then on out none of his friends not even me really was allowed to talk to him or whatever. If she didn’t like you that was it, kiss the friendship goodbye, and I had to let it go.

Five years later, and its funny how the world works I always said things happen for a reason and something did happen between them and I guess they aren’t together anymore. The story on why is pretty serious but I’m not going into detail, lets just say when he was out with us this weekend it was finally nice to have him back. He was talking with everyone, taking pictures, having a good time which was something he really didn’t do because she didn’t like who he was talking to or looking at or whatever the reason was.img_4055

When he approached me to make an effort and talk to me again, I didn’t know how to react I wasn’t really banking on him talking to me, and since I buried it for so many years and let it go it was easy for me just to be normal. So when he talked to me I blurted out something stupid because I really just didn’t know what to say… but I went home… talked about it and like my friend Noah said “bygones are bygones time to let it go” and he’s right, even though I may deserve some what of an apology I think what happen to him, and how he now has to reconnect with those people who cared about him that he pushed away is enough and I’m ready to talk it out and lay it on the table you know?

I talked to him today, I wanted to say I was sorry for Saturday night (which I did), and so hopefully we can get together when stuff settles on his end and really get to the bottom of stuff, I mean I’m done with the drama I just want my friend back… (As does everyone else I’m sure).

It’s just weird how life can hit you when your not expecting it, I’ve had a few people who made an impact in my life and he was one of them he was like family to me. So having to let him and that go was one of the hardest things I had to do, and to be around the same circle of friends and see him and know I can’t talk to him killed me to the point where I just went numb.

I’m trying to figure out, why now… what is his purpose if he comes back into my life if we become friends like we were that’s what fascinates me with stuff like this…

img_4167Saturday night was fun; I actually for once had not a bad time at a club. It’s not usually my thing unless it’s really good music I can dance too but even then I really have to be in the mood and what not. I don’t really ever drink like Rebecca said to me she’s never seen me really drink at all when I go out with them. I had maybe 5 shots from the time we left for dinner around 7pm and when I left the club at 3amish… and when I woke up this morning I swore I felt like I drank a bottle of tequila to my head. My stomach for sure hated me and I don’t blame it at all.

I start wrestling this week with Dave Mair, I’m pretty stoked about that I’ve wanted to improve my wrestling and again become confident in my take downs. I’m already stronger then what I was in high school and in high school I wasn’t a bad wrestler so I’m interested to see how much this helps out my game. I’m sure it will make me a hell of a lot more confident taking even the biggest girls down.

I also am going to start training some private one on one Thai Boxing with Adam; I’m also interested to see about that. Adam is a really talented Thai fighter who has done amazing thus far, and he’s a good friend of mine who I know will push me and train me well. He’s got an amazing Thai Boxing instructor in Adam Higson, Higson is another fighter I really respect and look up to. His club is amazing with some really great tough people in it…

So its going to be a long week I work a lot this week as well as training this week *yawns* maybe I should try and hit the hay now get in an hour nap before getting up again or something…

Christina

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~ by Christina Sears on March 16, 2009.

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