Monday’s Training

This past weekend has been such a roller coaster for me. I mean a real emotional one, but some how I managed to pull myself together again. I was angry and confused, and just not sure of things, I didn’t understand why what was happening, WAS happening. I didn’t have answers to my questions or my thoughts. And just when I was content with that someone swooped in!

I decided to pull myself together again, for awhile not sure if I wanted to even train anymore. Because I felt like I was training to impress people that really I didn’t have to make happy. And by trying to make them happy I was making myself unhappy. It made training for me frustrating, and not fun I felt like it was a job. A job to make them see that I was good enough, but in the second I realized NOTHING will be good enough for them something inside me snapped. And I found myself not caring anymore, which helped me be more focused in what I was doing.

I went to the gym a lot this past weekend, I was lifting to get the anger out of my system, I was doing the cardio to take out the frustrations I was feeling and I still felt myself crawling in my own skin. It wasn’t until Sunday that everything clicked that I need to impress myself, because I am my worst critic and no one is going to make me feel like I’m not good enough.

Monday, I tried to take this new attitude and train.  I found myself being more aggressive, and choking people that I was always so frustrated with. I didn’t care… I was there for me not for them. I worked on my technique really trying to pay attention to detail, so that way I can pass it on to Christine, I love training her. She’s not like other girls who tend to roll their eyes at me as if I’m talking a different language. She’s not territorial like most women are, and she knows she’s got nothing to prove to me I’m there to help her the way I wish someone was there to help me. AND I mean I’ve worked with her 1 day a week for a month now, just showing her different things to step up her grappling. She’s starting to feel the weight she is, which is important because I would be re-rolling her when really I’m much smaller and she should be able to use her weight properly against me, and we worked on that, been working on her wrestling (which is getting better), and her guard passing. She’s coming along and I like that she wants to learn and even though she’s catching me in my own tricks it makes me happy to see her progress and I would love to fight on an amateur card with her sometime in the future.

Usually I wait to see if Bryan calls me out to roll, this time I decided to ask him to roll. I know he’s going to tap me out in a million different ways but I like the challenge and I mean he obviously wouldn’t’ bother with me if he didn’t think I had some kind of talent right? SO, for once I decided to grow a pair and challenge him to a round hahaha! After that round I may have got tapped out man… like crazy… stupid me got caught in 3 front chokes? But he’s teaching me to keep my head up… I’m sure the lack of air to my lungs and blood to my brain will teach me eventually!

Bryan is probably one of the best people who has come into my life… He actually cares about his guys/girls that he trains and wants them to do well. He’s there for them as a coach and as a friend and I learned that this past week when I was going through a rough time. His words… really helped me a lot more then I can probably explain. And I appreciated it as I appreciate his training tips.

I also have to say thank you to my friend Ian… Amazing fighter who has lost someone he was close to as I did… so he really understands about being off track and feeling lost sometimes.

My friends Pecile, McSweeney, have been great and my brother too… I don’t think I would have pulled it together without everyone… really…

I felt good for once after training, I felt accomplished, I didn’t feel frustrated and for that hour I didn’t feel like I was some fat ass, like people have said and almost had me believe…


PS: I also want to say R.I.P Mike “Prime Time” Post he will be missed but not forgotten!


~ by Christina Sears on December 1, 2008.

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