As life Goes By…..

I was reading a friend of mine’s blog today. He’s very good at describing his day to day journey though life and has a great talent for expressing things, making people feel like he feels. I laughed at some of the things he’s mentioned, cried at others, and really understand sometimes what he’s talking about. And as a writer that’s the hardest thing to do, is get your emotions clear and crisp in words, and has someone else understand and connect with you.

There was something he said that I connected with in one of his blogs. He talked about how it’s hard to really keep relationships, sometimes you grow out of people, sometimes people change, and sometimes you just for some reason grow apart. BUT there is always a reason to why someone has come into your life and there is always a reason why they leave and if you’re lucky sometimes things later on down the road work out.

I’ve had that happen to me a few times, three to be exact. There were three significant people who walked into my life and at the time I really didn’t notice their purpose in my life, and they happened at different chapters of my life. And although they came into my life for a reason, they were 3 of the hardest things to let go when their time was up.

In earlier days, when I first started school I had to switch in grade one, and by then even though you’re young, you make your friends. It was hard going from a school where I had a few tight friends and was comfortable to somewhere new. And it was a rough start, the years didn’t get better and my mom recalls me coming home everyday crying and saying how I don’t want to go to school. BUT right there was an angel, sitting right beside me every step of the way. She was always taller then I was, long wavy brown hair, the biggest brightest brown eyes you could see, and a smile that seriously always lit up a room. She was quiet in reserved, yet out going and was never afraid to be herself. She was my first real friend, my first best friend. She was there and made the tears stop. BUT of course being so young when her parents decided to move she had to go, and I was on my own. It wasn’t until high school we reunited and she blossomed into this beautiful amazing women. I’ll never forget her laugh and her giggle; it just made you want to smile. She taught me the meaning of true friends, she showed me how to be myself, and she showed me how to love who I was. She passed away in 07, and when I got the news though a mutual friend I was shocked, I thought maybe she was sick, or got into an accident. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she killed herself. Hearing those words that day killed me, I couldn’t think of any reason why a women like her would want to go, and I wish I could have been there for her, but I know at heart she knows I care and that I’ll always love her…. (R.I.P Carissa Orantes)

**Song “Bubbley” Dedicated to Carissa**

Then, later on in elementary school, I made a new close friend. He always let me use his “smelly markers” WHICH in grade 3 was a HUGE deal. He had a really bad allergy to nuts, and I vowed to give up my most favorite sandwich topping because he couldn’t have it (and I did). We grew up together, grade 1-10, good friends. I remember he was the first guy to kiss me, and I don’t mean went 90 and I went 10 I mean a game of kissing tag I wanted NO PART of it, but he grabbed me and kissed me anyways. He was actually my first boyfriend, the first guy I can say I honestly loved. He came into my life and taught me that I can be loved, that I was worth more then I ever thought, and that underneath all the roughness (and believe me in elementary and the beginning of high school.. I was far from being a butterfly), that there was something more, just WAITING to be discovered. BUT with him being my first love he was my first real heartbreak. BUT also showed me that after dating, there are possibilities to stay friends. AND we did, but sometimes people come into other peoples lives to teach them a hard lesson, and it’s what drew us apart… and continues to be the reason he isn’t “allowed” to talk to me. (DED: Christopher DeMelo).

**Song “Dreaming of You” Dedicated to Christopher**

And in the high school and college chapter of my life (which is a huge chapter), there was another guy, who taught me what “serious relationship” was all about. He opened up the box that was waiting to be discovered and made me explore who I was, and what I was about. He brought out a lot of great things in me, and he helped develop my back bone. He was my 2nd love, my longest relationship, and was a great amazing friend. REGARDLESS what was going on, he always had my back (and I always had his). Fight or no fight when it came right down to it we were there for each other. And sometimes that is really hard to come by. BUT we had some downs, really rough times and we managed to pull though, but sometimes in life that only goes so far. Sometimes a situation happens and time goes by so fast that at the end of the day sometimes it was just too late. Regardless, he brought a great deal to my life. He brought challenges, really helped me be up for a good challenge, and stand my ground. He was never always liked by everyone, but he didn’t care. And I always admired that, because it’s what you think of you not what other people think of you. He went through a lot in his life himself, and managed to pull though it all and he still manages to get through those times and better himself. MOST people wouldn’t have fought like he has they would have just given up. And I think that’s where I get some of my fighting spirit. He may not have strapped on the gloves and got into a cage, and he may not admit it, but he’s always been a fighter. He was one of the hardest things I ever had to let go. But I never once thought I would let him go for good. I always believe that at the end of the day… he would be there as I would be for him, and the friendship (which was always rock solid) would just continue to grow, and get strong. But life sometimes throws you some curve balls. Regardless where we end up, he will always hold a spot in my heart because something like that is hard to forget. (DED: Steven Pecile)

**Song “Thank You for Loving Me” Dedicated to Steven**

So if things are going wrong in your life, and it just seems like one thing after another, just really take a second and try to learn from everything, write it down, it really helps you get things in the open, maybe see a clear perspective on everything. These were three great people in my life, each one harder to lose then the last. And there were times where I just broke down crying, I screamed when I needed to, and sometimes I would just sit quiet and think, write it down, and think some more. Nothing is ever easy in life, relationships (weather they be love or friendship or family) are things you constantly have to work at, you have to admit when your wrong, and be comfortable with who you are. Everyone, everyday brings something to your life. Even if it’s just a stranger smiling at you on the street or saying hi.  Live, and learn stop and smell the roses, LIFE sometimes will glide right by if you let it and so will the people around you.

I never liked taking the easy way out, and I always fought until there was nothing left. I dont regret these people in my life, AND if they were to return to my life my arms would be open, it’s who I am!



~ by Christina Sears on October 20, 2008.

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